(Given out at the BEDSOC stand during societies fair)
You wander in like an eager child, numb,
Fearful of many yet embracing some,
Wedging your door open as you’ve been told,
By many past students, their knowledge sold.
Flat-mates start to trickle through, in their droves,
Wielding ‘Smart Price’ pots, pans and bags of clothes;
Affixing posters to any crevice known,
Warding off mothers, who inclined to moan
About ceiling mould and when’s best to phone,
Linger mournfully and with floods of tears,
Inform that you are the result of their years,
To the delight and pity of your peers
Old Joe strikes noon on this portentous day,
The gown is donned and home-life cast away,
Old relics fade past in a hazed mire
All styles outcast for new ‘rah’ attire
You stand, enveloped, in a gilet
As sanctimonious students all say:
‘That the lash is what sustains us scholars’
Until we’ve spent our remaining dollar
On exorbitant broom-cupboards and food
Stationary, course-books and room posters lewd
Yet not all is lost! As all that you’ve spent
Falls to our needy hands from Government!
Rejoice, the day is here, the loan has come!
Pray the freshers can now fund their wild fun!
The plastic is swiped, House-Vodka is bought
The room starts to swim, you’re devoid of thought
So you’re skanking and you don’t know what to,
And someone is clinging onto the loo.
Hugging as though it were an illusion,
Then out shoots some vile noxious extrusion.
But t’is norm, expected, on fresher’s week,
When alcohol preys and gluts on the weak,
So be warned of this temptress and take heed,
When you’re shotting Jäger at wanton speed,
It can only end one way, yet I can’t tell,
So just down it fresher and give us Hell!
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